As soon as she takes her little steps in this big yet small world, she enters a place that could turn out to be a beautiful heaven to her or a burning hell. Depends. Her birth could be celebrated or she could be aborted. Even after being born, the world is no less unsafe for her.
When she’s a toddler, she’s pried upon by a relative who looks at her with lustful eyes, eyes that ignore the innocence of a kid and a brain that does not know what is right, or maybe it does but does not care. He holds her and caresses her and tells her that she gets a chocolate for every time she keeps her mouth shut to her parents about his ‘dirty deeds’. Maybe she does fall into the trap. Maybe she doesn’t.
She grows up a little. She’s a school going kid now. She has a just-turned-18 neighbor who asks her to play a game with her and his own cousins and siblings. She in her innocence says a yes thinking she would learn a new game. Hardly does she know what lies ahead. he calls the game the doctor game. She realizes she knows the game. But she’s told by him that the game is a little different. In this game their whole body would be examined. Everyone agrees. He touches them inappropriately and they let him because they’re hardly about a game being ‘inappropriate’. Moreover nobody else resists, so why should she? Because if she does, she would be acting rude. And saying a no is something bad right? That’s what a kid is taught.
She still feels that there is something not right but she cannot expresses it at home because she has no clue how would her parents react. The feeling develops into anxiety that starts showing up at school and once-a-bright kid now turns a dumb kid with low self esteem and confidence. Still nobody realizes that there must be something wrong. She somehow fights her fears and comes out stronger all alone.
She grows up to be a teenager and she is looked at by almost every alternate person she passes by. When she complains about it to people older than her, she is told that maybe she was dressed too boldly. She is told that it is her mistake. What mistake, is something they always fail to justify.
She grows up into an adult and now she knows that she is nowhere at fault yet she fails to prove it to all people who blame her. She falls in love and hangs out with her beloved. With her belief in humanity that has yet not faded with time she boards an empty bus at night that offers them help. She’s raped and almost murdered. An incident that would shatter her spirit as well as her faith in humanity. Maybe she survives. Maybe she leaves for a place more safe and peaceful.
She grows up and gets married. She has a husband who forces himself upon her every night not caring about consent because he is her husband and she, her property. When she resists, she’s beaten up, screamed at, thrown swears at and maybe killed. You could see cigarette burns on her body. If she survives and tries to go to court, she’s stopped by her own family members in the name of the image and reputation of the family and if she goes against all odds and goes to court, she’s denied justice because hey, Marital Rape ain’t a crime.
And this cycle of suffering goes on till her last breath.
Some of us are lucky enough to not fall in such circumstances but we need not forget that the risk is pretty high and unpredictable as well.
Make this world a better place.
All of us have at one or the another point of time in life thought about going back in time to undo a few things and re-live some moments. What if someday life gave you a chance to meet the younger self? The ‘you’ who still is hidden behind those curtains and doesn’t know what the real world looks like. The one that believes in fairytales and looks at this world through rose tinted glasses. This letter is to my younger self.
Dear younger self,
I am glad that you look forward to standing out of the crowd at such a tender age. Your grades are great but don’t let them get to your head and neither let bad grades make your demotivated as things would get out of hand sometimes. There would be a lot a distractions and that is okay, don’t blame you’re self later for doing what made you feel happy at the moment. You’d experience your first adrenaline rush you’d call love soon. Live in the moment but don’t expect too much. You would face your first rejection but don’t let it shatter you. Rejections make us come in terms with reality. You’re gut feeling is always right, remember that. You lately stood for yourself and that at a young age is a brave thing to do, continue doing this and do not give in to dominance. Remember that you would not always be rewarded for your achievements but cherish the moment because winning is going to get tougher now. I won’t tell you to not be scared but now it’s time to face them. Be scared and do it anyway. Things will not go according to the plan and that is okay. Don’t let other people dull your shine because, remember you’re unique. Never stop talking to nature, you’d always find peace there. You’d come across traitors dressed as friends. Don’t let that stop you believing in friendships. Speak your mind but keep quiet for fools. They are not worth your time. You’d come across a lot of unexpected situations, face them with a brave heart and a smile. Eventually things would fall into place.
Lots of love.
That was my advice for the younger me. What would you tell your younger self if given a chance? Comment below.
You need no talent in order to be who you want to be. All you need to do is learn and grow.
As I sit here to write my brain tells me, ‘STOP!’, ‘You can’t!’, ‘There is nothing to write about.’ and other such stupid things but I still decide to go on. As I write this I have no clue about where would this end, so I put down every thought that crosses my mind today and let us see what the result is.
What do you do when life gives you lemons? Cry over it or make lemonade? The choice is yours and either of them isn’t a bad choice. Crying makes you loosen up and lemonade is never a bad idea, not even when you throw it at someone’s face. Really. Lemons are our failures and failures can be fatal sometimes contradictory to the quotes we come across. Failures can be fatal when one decides that there is nothing that can fix the situation and all that can happen is going to worse. Failure makes you stop. Failure gives you the urge to quit. A lot of people quit even before hitting the rock bottom and that is not okay. That is injustice, injustice to yourself. You are no less than the people around you and you shouldn’t let people around you make you believe in the fact that you are. You are beautiful, your own kind of beautiful. Who are we to set standard for beauty? I know there comes a time in life when you feel you should give up, when you feel you would be better off dead right now rather breathe. You feel a weight on your chest. But we are human beings and we have a magic within us. It calls itself self-belief. So if you ever have this urge to quit, stop, stop wherever you are and breathe. Slow down and breathe. Calm yourself. Go to a silent place and listen to the wind and how it tells you about how special you are and it touches your cheek. Look around and see the trees and how they wave at you whenever you look at them for a little longer. And when it rains, go out and feel the drops on your face and how it cleanses your soul and frees you of every worry in life. Let nature tell you how you belong with it. It tells you that you are a part of it. It acquaints you with the fact that beside this materialistic world that weighs the value of humans in terms of some mere digits lies a world with peace and beauty and all you need to do is go out find it. Find peace, find beauty, find love. Find YOURSELF.