It’s been a year since I last saw her. It did not bother me then, why does it bother me now? What is this strange feeling in my stomach? Right now when I’m sitting on my window, I could hear her giggles but this time they are not for me. I still remember overhearing their conversations, her and her best friend’s. I still remember how her best friend would tease her every time they passed by my house. But now the time has changed. Her love for me is no more. I know she’s tired, tired of loving me and getting hurt every single time. I can still recount her stolen glances. Oh how her heart would pound when she saw a glimpse of me, it showed on her face, happiness would make her face glow. I know she really cared though she never spoke a word about it. I still remember how cute she sounded that night, drunk for the first time, telling me I was insane. I wonder how it was me whom she called as soon as the alcohol put her high, I would have been really special to her then, I guess! I remember how that smile would never leave her lips whenever we talked, oh that pretty smile that could steal the stoniest of hearts. But I’ve seen the other side of her too. The side you’d never want to see. The fearful, angry her. God! That rage in those eyes! I had always been on the top of her list, always. The only difference is earlier it was hate and later love but for now I don’t think I even matter to her. I’ve always praised how she’s stood by her friends always. I wonder how a stubborn girl can take a ‘no’ for an answer so calmly. It’s not that she never tried but she was never to direct, I guess she knew I’d never change my mind.
A beautiful disaster she was! Beautiful because she was undoubtedly beautiful and a disaster because she was now playing on my mind. Every thought of mine has subsided and now it’s only her. The girl I had not even bothered to look at for the past years was now playing on my mind? Why? Every single memory of her that I had not even given a single thought to was playing in front of my eyes. Flashback! Flashback! Flashback! Such memories that I had no clue about earlier were now playing constantly. How many do I mention? They’re numerous!
Taking a break for these thoughts, I slip my fingers to the curtains. ‘Should I or should I not?’, a constant battle of thoughts. My heart screams to catch a glimpse of her. Maybe she is that one look which would soothe the pain my heart was dealing with. But my brain yells, ‘What if she sees you? What would she think?’ Ah, the war is unstoppable. I finally give in to my heart and slowly draw away the curtain. My heart’s almost running a marathon! I crane my head to look at the road down there. Her hair covers her face. I can’t see it. She’s holding her phone in her left hand and only thing visible is the back panel with ‘hello kitty’ all over. She still loves them? Wait, I remember this too? She’s reading out something to her best friend, a conversation I guess. Damn! This is the moment I regret lacking the art of lip-reading. She reads and turns to her best friend every now and then gives a smile with an added blush. I wonder whose it is. Is it from a guy who’s trying to flirt with her? The thought makes my blood boil. What if they are her boyfriend’s? My heart sinks. ‘She has moved on?’ I wonder. I feel like running down straight to her, snatch her phone and see whose it is. But I cannot. But why am I so concerned? What kind of feeling is this? What kind of fear lies in my heart? Had I given in to the feeling called love? Anyway, how does it matter now? I know she’s moved on. She’ll never come back and I deserve this. Her absence is what I regret. Her memories are my favourite. She’s my lost battle, a battle I never fought!
-The guy who couldn’t care less.